@Demented_Jokes

Post natal depression is a serious condition. I’m 38 years old and my mum still bursts into tears every time she sees me.

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@kelkulus

Pot smokers like to say it’s safe because it’s natural. Other safe natural things include sunburn, poison ivy, and being eaten by a bear.

@filmbizpro

Condoms aren’t completely safe. A friend of mine was wearing one and got hit by a bus.

@SarcasticSadOne

Any movie can be a Christmas movie if you eat 37 sugar cookies while watching.

@_kayditty

Those people that get up and are already home from the gym by 7 a.m. make me believe the movie Men in Black just may be true after all.

@PORNOPINION

I’m tired of 19 year olds thinking they’re special for being hot. You’re 19 You’re supposed to be hot. Call me when you’re 45 and hot.

@noog

Middle finger in the air, if you don’t really care. It’s like that sometimes man, ridiculous. Life can be sometimes ridiculous.

@robyn_vo

Just saw a woman, covered in red paint, running and screaming from an abandoned country house, LOL good prank.

@ilovepie84

Brad Pitt and I had a handsome contest and the loser had to adopt a bunch of kids.

@MavenofHonor

Hotel reviews are pure chaos. You’ll read, “Breathtaking lobby. Extraordinary suites. My stay filled me with a deep & lasting sense of peace.” Then the next one’s like, “This dump is FILTHY! Elevator was SLOW! Ice machine TIPPED over & I’m STILL pinned BENEATH IT!!!”