Post natal depression is a serious condition. I’m 38 years old and my mum still bursts into tears every time she sees me.

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Pot smokers like to say it’s safe because it’s natural. Other safe natural things include sunburn, poison ivy, and being eaten by a bear.


Condoms aren’t completely safe. A friend of mine was wearing one and got hit by a bus.


Any movie can be a Christmas movie if you eat 37 sugar cookies while watching.


Those people that get up and are already home from the gym by 7 a.m. make me believe the movie Men in Black just may be true after all.


I’m tired of 19 year olds thinking they’re special for being hot. You’re 19 You’re supposed to be hot. Call me when you’re 45 and hot.


Middle finger in the air, if you don’t really care. It’s like that sometimes man, ridiculous. Life can be sometimes ridiculous.


Just saw a woman, covered in red paint, running and screaming from an abandoned country house, LOL good prank.


Brad Pitt and I had a handsome contest and the loser had to adopt a bunch of kids.


Hotel reviews are pure chaos. You’ll read, “Breathtaking lobby. Extraordinary suites. My stay filled me with a deep & lasting sense of peace.” Then the next one’s like, “This dump is FILTHY! Elevator was SLOW! Ice machine TIPPED over & I’m STILL pinned BENEATH IT!!!”