@pleatedjeans
@Love_bug1016 “Better safe than sorry,” I tell myself as I send the 27th text telling him my feelings.
You Might Also Like
@Love_bug1016 
@stevevsninjas [Turing Test]
Tester: Let’s start with an easy one, the square root of 29241?
Subject: 171!
Tester:
Subject: I meant, idk math is hard. lol
@TheAlexP Hey buddy, if you didn’t want me napping in your pet store you shouldn’t have sleeping rooms filled with puppies.
@Tw1tter_K1tten One thing I’ve learned about this world is that there are always going to be people who want to change you.
-babies
@ItsAndyRyan Convince neighbours you’re shrinking by walking past their window with progressively larger jars of hellmann’s mayonnaise.
@ColoradoUgly I bring our baby to the bar so I can throw her at people and slurp down their cocktails while they’re trying to catch her.
@PhilipJFried Me: so this is a weird photo shoot lmao
The cop who’s processing me: would you just shut up already
@fro_vo SHEEP: okay you’re in charge of keeping the flock together
ME: what
SHEEP: you herd me
@xofreckles You mean ‘idiosyncrasies’ doesn’t mean two or more idiots doing the same thing at the same time?
@Smooheed I like to make things awkward at family gatherings by walking up behind each person and whispering ‘I know what you did last Christmas’