@mxmclain
@tchrquotes I always take a different store’s tote bags when I go grocery shopping so they don’t get the idea we’re exclusive or anything.
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@tchrquotes 
@QwertyJones3 “Welcome to another meeting of Horse Club. Let’s try to actually get something done today. All in favor?”
Crowd: “NEIGH!”
“Jesus Christ.”
@SortaBad Me, age 18: I’ll be a homeowner by the time I’m in my 30s
Me, in my 30s: I own a single pair of matching socks
@CrapLocalNews Breaking news:
@Home_Halfway “10 Things I Hate About You” is my favorite movie that sounds like a bitter Buzzfeed article
@TravLeBlanc You can only push me so far before I breakdance.
@MomofTeen In rest homes, when lovers have spats, do they key each other’s walkers???
@tastefactory Mr. Webb, what is the greatest threat to national security?
“The dinosaurs in Jurassic World, they always seem to get out”
@LFdiepretty I am not an accident waiting to happen.
I am an accident.
Happening.
@Lisa_Laughs_ I know two wrongs don’t make a right, obviously. But how many does it take? I’m like on 756.