@OldUncleDaveO

Pretty sure I just heard a grown man wrestle a bear in a bathroom stall at Chipotle.

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@HDminusworld

Superhero Movies Love to Have Villains Who Are Totally Right… Until They’re Randomly Super Wrong

@lenadunham

Who, you ask, turns the AC on during a polar vortex? Sociopaths, fascist dictators, my boyfriend.

@XplodingUnicorn

A family friend recently died, and it got me thinking. Today I’m going to collect all the money people owe me before it’s too late.

@MrSpoonicorn

*sits gf down*
i am about to ask you a big question. if you dont know the answer then thats ok… *clears throat* where is the space jam dvd

@theDUDE___

When I die , I want to be thrown out of a plane wearing a Superman costume.

@osoplain

I should start carrying a pool noodle in my car and randomly smack cars when stuck in traffic

@GenreFilmAddict

I’ve seen almost 400 kung-fu and wuxia movies over the past three years, so when I say I’ve never seen a fight like this before, it’s not hyperbole
(Drunken Dragon/Exciting Dragon – dir. Chiu Chung-Hing, 1985)

@_Kim_Jongun

I’m not a god.

I’m a regular guy who just happens to be immortal and perfect in every way.

There’s a difference.

@OtherDanOBrien

[Testing Cat-Human Translator]
Scientist: Cat, what is your name?
Cat: I AM KANG THE DESTROYER
Owner: It’s not working. His name is Socks.