@primawesome I like my coffee like I like my slaves.
Free, you racist.
@lawyerthoughts Pro tip: if you absolutely must speak in court, do not put air quotes around “the law”. Judges don’t like it.
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@primawesome 
@iamspacegirl Everyone talks about how mean geese are and how aggressive geese are but it seems like we used to eat a lot of goose holiday dinners and now we don’t so
@BuckyIsotope My rap name is Weapons of Mass Destruction because you go in thinking I’m going to destroy you but it turns out I’ve got absolutely nothing.
@GordoHelio Job interview…
H- “So how would you describe yourself?”
Me- “Verbally but just incase I prepared a dance”..
@jonnysun [taking atendance]
teacher: jimmy
jimmy: here
teacher: susie
susie: here
teacher: (sighs) omnipresemt sentinel
omnipresent sentinel: ａｌｗａｙｓ
@BAKKOOONN luke, thats a persons name. whys everybodys star wars name gotta be like, hoobie doodoo or seb neb or something
@pixelatedboat I’m only seeing the new Jurassic Park if the dinosaurs aren’t a metaphor for anything. Don’t want to look at a stegosaurus and have to think about neoliberalism or the modern surveillance state
@a_simpl_man Dogs are your best friend unless you’re playing hide and seek – they will sell you out.
@_Kim_Jongun How does North Korea only have four medals so far?
We’re the best at everything.
We even fed our athletes this time.
@daemonic3 It’s 4:20 do you know what that means?!?
It means only 40 minutes left to get 8 hours of work done.