Pro tip: if you have a student’s mother email you for a grade change have your mother respond to it.

Fight 🔥 with 🔥

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I bet dogs at parties get tired of being singled out by socially awkward humans.


My parents are divorced. I feel fat and all the other girls my age have boyfriends.

Him: Being a teenager is tough.

Me: *sigh* I’m 40.


My 8yo daughter met a girl at summer camp last year named “Internet.” I said no way, that can’t be her name but my daughter has been adamant. For almost a year we’ve been having this discussion.

ANTOINETTE. I just found out her name is Antoinette.



1) Know when to hold em.

2) Know when to fold em.

3) Know when to walk away.

4) Know when to run.


Never give your address or date of birth to anyone on social media.

Armed with this information, they could show up at your birthday party.


To use Google efficiently, write like Tarzan. “good tacos boston”


The reason Latin is a dead language is because they kept accidentally summoning demons during regular conversations


If you see a woman holding Fifty Shades of Grey, smile and say “congratulations on your first book!”


Apple has solved laptop theft by making them obsolete by the time thieves get out the door.