@Anna_Da_Suza So true for me
@FriedsonAndrew Pro tip: if you have a student’s mother email you for a grade change have your mother respond to it.
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@Anna_Da_Suza 
@TheWoodenslurpy I bet dogs at parties get tired of being singled out by socially awkward humans.
@girlontapas My parents are divorced. I feel fat and all the other girls my age have boyfriends.
Him: Being a teenager is tough.
Me: *sigh* I’m 40.
@BrianneKohl My 8yo daughter met a girl at summer camp last year named “Internet.” I said no way, that can’t be her name but my daughter has been adamant. For almost a year we’ve been having this discussion.
ANTOINETTE. I just found out her name is Antoinette.
@CulturedRuffian INSTRUCTIONS FOR FITTED SHEETS:
1) Know when to hold em.
2) Know when to fold em.
3) Know when to walk away.
4) Know when to run.
@ddsmidt Never give your address or date of birth to anyone on social media.
Armed with this information, they could show up at your birthday party.
@DothTheDoth To use Google efficiently, write like Tarzan. “good tacos boston”
@iscoff The reason Latin is a dead language is because they kept accidentally summoning demons during regular conversations
@trevso_electric If you see a woman holding Fifty Shades of Grey, smile and say “congratulations on your first book!”
@kelkulus Apple has solved laptop theft by making them obsolete by the time thieves get out the door.