@KyleMcDowell86

*puts a picture of Roger Rabbit in a picture frame*
I did it. I framed Roger Rabbit.

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@byjoelanderson

“See, you’ve clearly never had good mashed potatoes. You’ve got to add butter, salt, garlic, $300 of bitcoin, gravy, a crab leg dipped in butter sauce, chives, tickets to a Rams game, and a light sprinkling of parmesan and then you’ll understand how amazing they are.”

@danisbadatthis

Why did the man with no hands go to the doctor?
Because he didn’t feel well.

@Playing_Dad

Does racism still exist? Let’s go to this panel of white people to find out.

@ACartoonCat

*being broken up with*

Me: I thought we were on the same page!

Her: We are! It’s just the page of the dictionary that has “awesome” and “awful” on it

@DrunjAF

Only God can judge me.

*gets hit by lightning*

@MiddlingMs

You know that kid on the field who’s too busy spinning in circles to notice the ball coming at him? He’s mine, and he’s not even on a team.

@Theropologist

You know how when everyone is clapping along to the song and you join in and it’s fun at first but after a while you’re like oh shit do I have to keep this up for the whole song? That’s what life is like.

@geekysteven

“Why didn’t any of you go back and kill Hitler?”
TIME TRAVELER: We prioritized stopping Zortho the Endless Scourge in 1935.
“Who?”
TT: Bingo