“See, you’ve clearly never had good mashed potatoes. You’ve got to add butter, salt, garlic, $300 of bitcoin, gravy, a crab leg dipped in butter sauce, chives, tickets to a Rams game, and a light sprinkling of parmesan and then you’ll understand how amazing they are.”
*puts a picture of Roger Rabbit in a picture frame*
I did it. I framed Roger Rabbit.
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Why did the man with no hands go to the doctor?
Because he didn’t feel well.
Does racism still exist? Let’s go to this panel of white people to find out.
*being broken up with*
Me: I thought we were on the same page!
Her: We are! It’s just the page of the dictionary that has “awesome” and “awful” on it
“I don’t know why you don’t just leave him, Elaine.”
Only God can judge me.
*gets hit by lightning*
You know that kid on the field who’s too busy spinning in circles to notice the ball coming at him? He’s mine, and he’s not even on a team.
You know how when everyone is clapping along to the song and you join in and it’s fun at first but after a while you’re like oh shit do I have to keep this up for the whole song? That’s what life is like.
I threw caution to the wind.caution is my little brother.
“Why didn’t any of you go back and kill Hitler?”
TIME TRAVELER: We prioritized stopping Zortho the Endless Scourge in 1935.