*puts crime-scene photos in a rocket*
Ok stand back
“Detective, what are u doing?”
What does it look like, I’m launching this investigation
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People that use big words, but not in the right context, are just trying to be ambidextrous.
If someone acts shocked that you haven’t read a certain book, the best response you can give them is, “Yeah, I heard it sucks”
People who try to beat you when walking into a store. No.
At Twitter HQ
J: Users haven’t complained in a while, what’s going on?
Devs: Oh, we’ve got just the thing
*releases update
No high school reunion for me. I can see most of them on Cops.
Still suddenly panicking that you haven’t done your homework on Sunday evenings, despite being in your thirties
Tripped over the roomba, so I’m getting my revenge by pouring glitter everywhere.
*shampoos & conditions hair
*rinses hair
*blowdries hair
*straightens hair
*spits toothpaste into hair
Flying Monkey: Notice she only calls us “pretties” when she wants something.
Hornets: they’re terrified of us. Our name is fine.
Murder Hornets: ok boomer