@MagentaPapi I was living with this woman for almost 6 years.
Then she noticed.
@XplodingUnicorn *quits Twitter to spend time with family*
*remembers what family is like*
*quits family for Twitter*
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@MagentaPapi 
@SondraDeeMe [train]
GUY: Please take my seat.
ME: *adjusts pillow in my top to feign pregnancy* Thank you.
GUY: How far along are you?
ME: 5 stops.
@Book_Krazy My husband just told me to relax, like he doesn’t remember we’re camping in the desert and I brought a shovel.
@Tipocazzuto I like to put a banana in each pocket just to confuse people.
@4ndbest Girl dog: I’m into bad boys
Guy dog: [remembering his owner saying how much of a good boy he is] ..oh
@karlkovacs How a career in technical writing ruined me as a letter writer
@haze103 A couple who are silly together stay together.
@zachary_lampley Dad Dinosaur: Look son a shooting star make a wish!
Angsty Teen Dinosaur: I wish it would hit us and kill us all.
@iAmDelFreaky Her: OMG! You didn’t feed my cat while I was away?
Me: Do you remember that time you didn’t harvest my crops on FarmVille? Now we’re even.
@birdcardigan me when the borders lift
