@LetMeStart

Reasons to bake a cake after the kids go to bed:
1. To surprise them with it.
2. So they never know you ate an entire cake without sharing.

You Might Also Like

@ddsmidt

Volunteer firefighter battles a house fire until 2 am and still goes to work at 6am.

Me: Wakes up at 7 am and contemplates whether to use a smiling or grinning emoji.

@PhilipJFried

[you cannot sleep while there are enemies nearby!]

Me: lol buddy…

@gogglepossum

[1st date]

Me: don’t let him know you’re a lobster

Him: we should check out my hot-tub later

Me: ‘yeah…sure’ *nervously clicks claws*

@TheCatWhisprer

Whoever is bringing me the 3 dozen donuts each morning, thank you. But could you just leave them on my desk and not in the break room?

@13spencer

Tonight’s Golden Globes taught us that, no matter how much you spend on surgery, nobody looks good while sweaty.

@JediGigi

Him: You smell nice. What is that?

Me: [twirling my hair] Cough drops

@flashember

[my daughter asks for her 2nd apple of the day] oh look it’s the apple monster *fun growl sounds*

DAUGHTER: daddy does God ever go hunting