Me: You should do that sexy thing you did a few weeks ago more often.
Her: When I was dancing in my panties?
Relatives – Because sometimes you need reminding of your bad genes too
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when nothing goes right… go left
“And… uh… chocolate kills dogs.” – God puts the finishing touches on life on earth.
:S :C :H :O :O :L – You can’t find happy faces.
I’ll never just put the seat down; the lid’s going down with it. If I gotta work, so does she.
Some people age like wine, others age like milk.
Picture the perfect woman.
You’re a guy. You’re always wrong.
*Sees old 1987 ford mustang and gets in* Lets see if this baby still works *pulls baby out of backpack* *baby cries* Great! *Puts it back*
Siri’s on her period. she needs an iPad
Hand-sanitizer gives you that clean, my hands are still dirty, feeling.