Review of the Solar System
⭐☆☆☆☆
“Only one star”
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Sociophobia is the fear of friends.
Sociophoebea is the fear of just the ditzy one.
You know that chick who said, “Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels?”…
Yeah, well I ate her.
37yo husband just bought himself clothes from Hollister. Please keep my family in your thoughts during this difficult time.
The car salesman said my vehicle will seat five people without any problems. How am I suppose to find five people without any problems?
Email subject line: “Your invited.” Thanks, I’ll bring an apostrophe and an e.
If anyone has a solid 3 hours on their hands, my 6 year old has a story about Pikachu he’ll tell to anyone who is willing to listen.
OH GOOD!
My child is tall enough to reach light switches.
COP: Anything you say can and will be used against you–
ME: Handcuff keys
COP (to his partner): Damn, this guy’s good
You haven’t lived until you’ve wrestled an alligator*
*dressed a toddler
My cat didn’t get me a Father’s Day card and things are a little tense around here right now.