Rice: for when you’re not really
hungry but still wanna eat a 1000
of something.

You Might Also Like


Autocorrect is changing correctly spelled words. I’m starting to think it has a mind of its AUTOCORRECT IS HARMLESS. GO ABOUT YOUR BUSINESS.


I’m never sure what to do with my eyes when I’m at the dentist. Do I close them? Do I stare at his face? Do I look at the ceiling?


If I had a parrot I’d teach it to say “I know where they buried the bodies”


Twitter taught me that:
1) Tweets don’t always have to make sense
2) People sure do love to answer rhetorical questions


[trying to prove that I’m stronger than my 13 year old] best two out of three


The roof of my mouth just healed from that Hot Pocket I had in 2003.


“We don’t have iced coffee”
Me: “You have coffee?”
Me: “You have ice?”
Me: “Were you raised in a barn?”


Gecko at McDonald’s crawl through:

I’ll have A Bug Mac, flies & a small snake.


HEY. Our ancestors didn’t eat brunch. They ate rocks. And fought dinosaurs. Ever heard of fire? They INVENTED it. Enjoy your Bloody Mary.


I’ll start the new year off with my favorite joke from 3rd grade:

Why do gorillas have such big nostrils?

Because they have such big fingers.

Happy New Years, friends. Let’s try to make it to the next one too…