@TheTweetOfGod

[email protected] Ricky, if you can get Twitter to verify me, you will be the first atheist allowed into heaven.

You Might Also Like

@Ruby_Stevens

I had to see these photos of somebody putting their sphinx cat in a wig and dress and now so do you.

@korryduke

Do you smell smoke?

I always say that when I fart. It makes people take a deep breath.

@Kyle_Lippert

“Hey. You sleeping? No? Whatcha thinkin about? Hey. Did you hear me? Hey. Hey. Ok. You’re boring. I’m leaving… Jk I’m back. Hey” – Birds

@UberFacts

A survey found one in five women have ended a relationship because their significant other was too busy playing video games.

@ellewasamistake

velma: another mystery solved gang. there’s no such thing as the supernatural, just ol’ fashioned trickery

scooby doo, the talking dog: rol’ rashioned rickery

@Briidashian

“Let’s run the bell commercial we’ve been playing for the past 17 years and take the month of December off” – The Hershey Kisses Marketing Team

@noog

I’m not here to judge anyone’s religion. I’m here to judge their misinterpretation of it.

@IamEnidColeslaw

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck knew his existence was futile & all his loved ones were going to die one day?

@thejessbess

Are they Milk Duds? Cuz I’m definitely not getting in your van for some stupid Milk Duds.