@chadhartigan

RIP to the iPod. Kids today will never know the glory of having these all listed as different artists

Death Cab for Cutie
Death cab for cutie
Death Cab For Cutie
Death Cab for Cu…

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@ArfMeasures

ME: ugh turn this off, I hate depressing movies

GOD: This is your life flashing before your eyes

ME: Put Ratatouille on

@pleatedjeans

doctor: here’s your x-ray
me: ew I look ugly in this one delete it take another

@nothxdoolx

my mom said she fed the cutest black and white squirrel today. my sister checked the ring camera, it was a literal skunk

@TallBart

completely misunderstood pride month. who wants to buy 15 lions

@Michabean

Careful…I’ve already had our entire fight in my head and it doesn’t end well for you.

@daemonic3

Mermaids: Can’t live with them, can’t beat them in a potato sack race.

@jlock17

Remember when all bombs looked like a black bowling ball with a giant wick in the top? Yep, simpler times.

@BuckyIsotope

My son just asked what erectile dysfunction is so I told him it’s when your anaconda don’t want none regardless of the presence of buns.