Rolling your eyes is NOT a design skill.
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I once dated a dentist. He had a tiny round mirror on the ceiling over his bed.
Being in the friend zone is like an employer turning you down for a job, then calling you regularly bitching about the person they did hire.
boss: what is the problem
coworker: [pointing to me] that guy stole my thesaurus
me: he peddles falsehoods
Person is typing…
Person is typing…
Person is typing…
Person is typing…
Person is typing…
Person is typing…
Person says: hi
ramses: *checking phone* wtf is a dense frog warning
moses: 🙂
ramses: oh you son of a-
Angry church people on Good Friday are Fast and Furious
i know an apple a day keeps the doctor away but what can i do about the rest of these people?
I’m really bad at measuring the correct amount of pasta when cooking, so if you and 79 of your friends want spaghetti tonight…I got extra.
Impressing a girl who owns cats on our date by eating so fast I throw up
Me: It’s 2020, you can’t breathe without offending somebody.
Them: HE’S A MOUTH BREATHER!