@OkieGirl405

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Meet me in bed
To learn something new

Pfff….poetry is easy

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@XplodingUnicorn

I don’t understand people who punch walls. “I’m so mad, I want to spend all day tomorrow plastering over the hole I’m about to make.”

@isabelzawtun

[God creating puffer fish] take that hedgehog and throw it into the goddamn ocean

@LoveNLunchmeat

I mostly do what I want, but sometimes the US court system has an opinion.

@smithsara79

is he actually funny or have you just not had sex in a while

@dumbbeezie

(at the gym). Hey can somebody spot me while I walk up the stairs?

@anerdonfire2

We were just four regular guys who became legends thanks to karoke night and The Spice Girls

@VancityReynolds

The pen is mightier than the sword. Also, parking a car in someone’s living room sends a pretty damn clear message too.

@Stellacopter

I always cry at wedding ceremonies because I don’t want to be there.

@Try2StopME

The ancient Egyptians had strict burial requirements which may or may not have included being dug up & displayed in a museum years later.

@_davidlucas_

He goes out for a run, and doesn’t even stop to sniff any crotches.
Humans are weird.

~Dogs.