
[Dr.]
“Your blood is 40% cheese, if you eat ANY more you’ll die”
*slowly raises piece of cheese to mouth*
“Don’t do it”
*eats cheese*
*dies*
[Dr.]
“Your blood is 40% cheese, if you eat ANY more you’ll die”
*slowly raises piece of cheese to mouth*
“Don’t do it”
*eats cheese*
*dies*
The only difference between you and Harry Potter is that his magic wand actually works OOOOHHH BURRRRN
*gets pulled over by police*
*shows a little skin*
Officer: “Who’s skin is that? Please step out of the vehicle sir.”
Him: Can you forgive me?
*mental montage of me trying to figure out who this guy is*
Me: Yes, but I’m really hurt so please give me time.
“The truth is out there” yes and that’s why I stay inside
I wanted my girlfriend to give me some time alone so we got married.
I’m an adult, and I can eat whatever I want whenever I want, and I wish someone would take this power from me.
I was having a good day until my imaginary friend stole my coloring book & crayons & he demands $100 for their return.
What a stressful day!
I miss when flirting was just wearing a candy necklace around my neck and asking if he wanted a bite
If I ever go missing and theres a big search party out looking for me, you can save time by not looking at any gyms.