Conan: Texas recently had 9 earthquakes in a day. But don’t worry: Scientists are hard at work figuring out exactly what God was angry about
Saw a young couple holding hands today & it reminded me that I need to buy a bottle of vodka
You Might Also Like
Friendly parenting reminder – as the weather starts to get nicer, don’t forget to close the windows before you yell at your kids.
Just drank two 5-Hour Energy shots. Will I get 10 hours of energy? And why is that rainbow giggling at me? AndAHH MY SKIN IS ON INSIDE-OUT!
I like how Angelina waited to divorce Brad Pitt until Jen got married. Well played Maleficent…well played…
Hate when Walmart doesn’t have what I need & I have to go home, change out of my pajamas & brush my hair so I can go to Target
Marital Law & Martial Law while look similar have very different meanings…
.. Except at my house.
Fish don’t seem that stupid to me. If a burrito dropped out of the sky and hung in mid air I’d prob eat it.
Interviewer: what interests you about this job?
Me: the pay
Interviewer: can you be more specific?
Whenever I start to feel old, I just remind myself I’m still young enough to play a teenager on Beverly Hills 90210.
And so the devil decided to put the delete key above the send key. The end