@DocBrown21

“Say no to Lindsay Lohan.” – drugs.

You Might Also Like

@ozzyunc

Pringles, it’s time to widen the can. Your target demographic isn’t thin-wristed.

@dragnut

Notes to self:
1. Open a rug store. Call it Carpet Diem.
2. That’s stupid; don’t do that.
3. Stop writing notes to yourself like a lunatic.

@OhNoSheTwitnt

I’d run way more miles a day if someone holding a bagel was running in front of me and someone holding a spider was chasing after me.

@SlabBaconBP

I find that the secret to not being insecure is to just be better than everybody at everything while being incredibly good looking.

@_kayditty

Why can’t I be rubied or diamonded. NOOO. I had to be jaded.

@Lisa_Laughs_

I don’t care what kinda lighter you have, its fair game if its unattended. Unless its engraved, then I’ll give it back for Christmas.

@GirlsNoteBook

Imagine this: you’re home alone and you sneeze. Suddenly the phone rings and you answer, then someone whispers “Bless you” and hangs up

@TheeSkinBoss

Madeline was one of my fav things in the world when i was a kid. I wanted to live in an orphanage so bad for fly outfits and to walk in 2 straight lines