“Say no to Lindsay Lohan.” – drugs.

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Pringles, it’s time to widen the can. Your target demographic isn’t thin-wristed.


Notes to self:
1. Open a rug store. Call it Carpet Diem.
2. That’s stupid; don’t do that.
3. Stop writing notes to yourself like a lunatic.


I’d run way more miles a day if someone holding a bagel was running in front of me and someone holding a spider was chasing after me.


I find that the secret to not being insecure is to just be better than everybody at everything while being incredibly good looking.


Why can’t I be rubied or diamonded. NOOO. I had to be jaded.


I don’t care what kinda lighter you have, its fair game if its unattended. Unless its engraved, then I’ll give it back for Christmas.


Imagine this: you’re home alone and you sneeze. Suddenly the phone rings and you answer, then someone whispers “Bless you” and hangs up


Madeline was one of my fav things in the world when i was a kid. I wanted to live in an orphanage so bad for fly outfits and to walk in 2 straight lines