A selfie stick is very useful…..
.. as a prod to keep people out of your personal space.
Schrödinger: Happy anniversary!
Schrödinger’s wife: Thank you! I wonder what’s in the box!
Schrödinger: [Realizes he grabbed the wrong box and starts sweating]
You Might Also Like
It’s cute how my psychiatrist pretends I’m not an international sex symbol who moonlights as a super assassin.
If you want to piss off a narcissist, just tell ’em that subtweet wasn’t about them.
On my tax form I checked the single box but added “and looking”.
Wondering how long it’ll take for my boyfriend to realize every time he’s told me he loves me I’ve said I love YouTube
I will never stop laughing at this
*my casket slowly begins lowering into the ground*
me, knocking from inside: “Wait, I have to pee.”
3yo: I want to help!
Me: You can help by being quiet.
3yo: I want to help in a different way!!!
I do my best speed walking when I’m trying to beat another customer to the checkout at the liquor store.
I’ll have a salad but on top of a burger with cheese
“So you want a cheeseburger?”
Yes but when you bring it to me say here’s your salad