@Inferno_V

Sex so good you see dead people.

You Might Also Like

@Darlainky

*watches nature documentary*

*moves my giraffe print pillows far away from my tiger print pillows*

@CulturedRuffian

Doughnuts alone won’t fill the emptiness in your soul…you’ll also need chocolate milk.

@Jake_Vig

A local supermarket.

A customer asks “Do you have unsalted nuts?”

The new checkout boy freezes. He needs this job. But he may never get this chance again.

@FattMernandez

Katy Perry is such an inspiration to all those young girls out there who want to grow up and ride giant golden tigers.

@AudreyPorne

I knew a girl who was sexually attracted to Hitler and when I unfriended her she messaged me and said “it’s cause I’m attracted to Hitler, isn’t it?” nooo, it’s cause you’re a Gemini. OF COURSE IT’S BECAUSE YOU’RE ATTRACTED TO HITLER, BECKY!!!!!!

@5hael

Do you think it’s weird that the only reason we still have landlines is so cops in movies can wake each other up in the middle of night?

@Carbosly

As a kid, I didn’t want to get caught misbehaving by my parents.
Now I’m a parent. And I don`t want to get caught by my kids.

@Stellacopter

My favorite part of yesterday was when the cashier at Whole Foods couldn’t price an item & said “Here just take it I hate this fuckin place”