*watches nature documentary*
*moves my giraffe print pillows far away from my tiger print pillows*
Sex so good you see dead people.
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Doughnuts alone won’t fill the emptiness in your soul…you’ll also need chocolate milk.
A local supermarket.
A customer asks “Do you have unsalted nuts?”
The new checkout boy freezes. He needs this job. But he may never get this chance again.
Katy Perry is such an inspiration to all those young girls out there who want to grow up and ride giant golden tigers.
I knew a girl who was sexually attracted to Hitler and when I unfriended her she messaged me and said “it’s cause I’m attracted to Hitler, isn’t it?” nooo, it’s cause you’re a Gemini. OF COURSE IT’S BECAUSE YOU’RE ATTRACTED TO HITLER, BECKY!!!!!!
Do you think it’s weird that the only reason we still have landlines is so cops in movies can wake each other up in the middle of night?
*tooth fairy arrested for incisor trading*
As a kid, I didn’t want to get caught misbehaving by my parents.
Now I’m a parent. And I don`t want to get caught by my kids.
My favorite part of yesterday was when the cashier at Whole Foods couldn’t price an item & said “Here just take it I hate this fuckin place”
No, whenever there’s trouble YOU seem to be around…officer.