Sexiest Man Alive implies there’s a Sexiest Man Dead

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I really miss Jake. And Clyde. And Marissa. Gina too. I should stop naming my cupcakes right before I eat them. 🙁


If diet and exercise are not working for you, try actually dieting and actually exercising.


If you think I’m flirting with you, I’m just being friendly. If you think I’m weird and I make you uncomfortable, I’m flirting with you.


It took me 15 mins to explain to my 18yo son how to make Minute Rice, in case you were thinking about having kids.


I suffer from paranoia and procrastination. Everyone is out to get me, just not right now


You know that tingly little feeling you get when you like someone? That’s your common sense leaving your body.


You’re not an Asshole. That’s too much credit for you. You’re an Asshalf.