@clairehoworth

Sexiest Man Alive implies there’s a Sexiest Man Dead

You Might Also Like

@NikiWithIssues

I really miss Jake. And Clyde. And Marissa. Gina too. I should stop naming my cupcakes right before I eat them. 🙁

@trevso_electric

If diet and exercise are not working for you, try actually dieting and actually exercising.

@JMScomedy

If you think I’m flirting with you, I’m just being friendly. If you think I’m weird and I make you uncomfortable, I’m flirting with you.

@3sunzzz

It took me 15 mins to explain to my 18yo son how to make Minute Rice, in case you were thinking about having kids.

@thereverendcink

I suffer from paranoia and procrastination. Everyone is out to get me, just not right now

@KlMBERLY_

You know that tingly little feeling you get when you like someone? That’s your common sense leaving your body.

@10InchesPlus

You’re not an Asshole. That’s too much credit for you. You’re an Asshalf.