Shampoo is much more marketable than it’s original name, Shamshit.

You Might Also Like


*types ‘snowflake’*
*types ‘snowflake’*


[courtroom, on witness stand]
Prosecuting attny: If you think she’s poisoning you, why did you eat it?
Me: It was pizza
[jury nods, murmurs]


I want to buy a Prius because I plan on driving off of a cliff & I don’t want to make too big of an explosion & kill squirrels or turtles


Man, those guys in the Cialis commercial sure are charmed by their wives’ approximations of human behavior


Yeah, but I thought the whole point of twitter was to be stalked.

The word ‘follower’ should be evidence of that


I wear jogging pants underneath my running pants in case I need to slow down.


Getting closure is important.

*lies on bed to zip up jeans*


I love how girls say that they like a guy with a sense of humour and yet you’ll never find a poster of Mr Bean on their wall.


Woke at 2 AM to a strange male voice telling me to accept god. Storm knocked out power at 7 and I forgot to turn off TV – thought I’d died.


It’s so hot today I went to see the ex just for the cold shoulder and icy stare.