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@TheFirstDudish

Monday is a draft that was sent by mistake when God’s cat jumped on the keyboard.

@WilliamAder

I love how Presidents will pardon a turkey and then eat a different turkey.

@n0tblonde

If mental stability was measured by the type of tweets we laughed at, straight jackets would be the new black.

@realfunghi

A lot of birthdays in November. It’s as if there’s some kind of romantic peak in or around mid-February.

@SvnSxty

*heist at the louvre*

Me: *jiggling handle* crap it’s locked

@crashcampbell84

They should make a sequel to that movie Clueless with just me trying to find the clitoris.

@iamspacegirl

incredibly disappointed to discover that these are two separate programs

@Robski_Boy

Might see you guys in 15-25yrs. Weekend with my folks & it’s only a matter of time before I snap.

@obviouseyes

How often do I make chemistry jokes? Periodically.

I actually told one the other day. There was no reaction…