@3sunzzz I am a mother, of course I talk to myself. I am the only one in this house that listens.
@aneesa_p Shout out to authentic Indian restaurants that encourage eating using only the hands.
They don’t give a fork.
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@3sunzzz 
@pixelatedboat Wow, what a moving acceptance speech from John Lithgow:
@SkinnerSteven We get ground beef from cows and sky beef from birds
@lloydrang Wait – my gym moved?
In 1997?
@noog Stop letting your dogs piss on fire hydrants. Some of us use those for parkour.
@carlyken As you get older dating becomes a lot like Musical Chairs. The music stops, everyone sits down and you’re left with the last idiot standing.
@mrjohndarby Father in law: How are you preparing for the future?
Me: I buy Monopoly games in case one day Monopoly money becomes legal tender.
@PrimeVideo Therapist: And what do we do when we’re sad?
Fleabag: Go to church.
Therapist: Good.
Fleabag: To flirt with the priest.
Therapist: No.
@pest_mode When did folks start naming kids old fashioned trades like, “Hunter” and “Porter” and “Archer” and “Blacksmith” and “Prostitute?”
@notseriouslyamy Enough with the fist bumping. I never understand what is happening. This time I held my hands open because I thought he was giving me M&Ms