I am a mother, of course I talk to myself. I am the only one in this house that listens.
Shout out to authentic Indian restaurants that encourage eating using only the hands.
They don’t give a fork.
You Might Also Like
Wow, what a moving acceptance speech from John Lithgow:
We get ground beef from cows and sky beef from birds
Wait – my gym moved?
Stop letting your dogs piss on fire hydrants. Some of us use those for parkour.
As you get older dating becomes a lot like Musical Chairs. The music stops, everyone sits down and you’re left with the last idiot standing.
Father in law: How are you preparing for the future?
Me: I buy Monopoly games in case one day Monopoly money becomes legal tender.
Therapist: And what do we do when we’re sad?
Fleabag: Go to church.
Fleabag: To flirt with the priest.
When did folks start naming kids old fashioned trades like, “Hunter” and “Porter” and “Archer” and “Blacksmith” and “Prostitute?”
Enough with the fist bumping. I never understand what is happening. This time I held my hands open because I thought he was giving me M&Ms