@callieac8
@AHelleneAuthor Fiction has to make sense.
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@AHelleneAuthor 
@dollfaceiam *points to person jogging outside through the snow*
“Look kids, a lunatic”
@fatherofcomedy I killed a girl who posted too many selfies.I think i can claim selfie-defence.
@brunopieroni Hate flying? Try American Airlines. They do too.
@bourgeoisalien I feel pretty smart until I realize the wild ducks I’m surprised by on my neighbor’s lawn are metal lawn ornaments he’s had for 5 years.
@Bownuggets In order to catch herpes, u have to think like a herpes
@SondraDeeMe *Learns sign language to keep arguing with boyfriend while giving the silent treatment*
@rodney_at_large I tried oscillating once. Not a fan.
@SomthinBoutSara How do you end an argument with a woman?
Tell her to calm down.
You’re dead now but the argument is over.
@katy_baybay I like my men like I like my coffee. Tied up in a burlap sack and dragged through Columbia behind a donkey.