[white house staff meeting]
Obama: Any questions?
*Biden raises hand*
Obama: Spongebob is yellow Joe.
*Biden returns to coloring book*
Siri, assemble a list of people who are dead to me.
You Might Also Like
Sorry, your invitation got lost in the trash.
90% of owning a dog is telling it to stop barking.
[God creating chihuahuas]
“Scare that rat into an identity crisis”
Spiders have it about right.
If he doesn’t bring her a snack when he courts her it’s curtains..
Jenga, but it’s just me, pulling salad out of my sandwich.
Ghostbusters (1984): A large, jovial marshmallow sailor is burned alive amid the crossfire btwn humans and ethereal beings.
My girlfriend steals all the blankets in her sleep and I wake up cold, next to an adorable linen burrito.
*Looks out the window to see it raining fire and brimstone* “Oh man my car windows are down!”
[leans against bus stop as bus approaches & winks at girl waiting]
I could easily afford to get on that if I wanted to.