Does whatever a spider can
Spins a web
Eats those guys
Don’t do that Spider-Man
Sneaking out of the house is a skill I’ve used way more as a mom than I ever did as a teenager.
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me: i wrote you a song, it’s called ‘rudolph the red nose reindeer’
rudolph: it better not be about my nose
rudolph: sing the song keith
me: No no, autocorrect, this is my DAD, we know him.
autocorrect: *growling* Dan.
me: *spritzing my phone with water* NO
roses are black. so is my heart. me and fries. till death do us part.
Barista: Latte for Waldo
Barista: Do we have a Waldo here
Barista: Where’s Waldo
Me: *proudly nudging a stranger* I did that
How do I like my eggs? Umm in a cake.
According to Verizon, the cable guy should be here sometime between 10:00 a.m. and the return of Christ.
I love you just the way you are.
Though I do have a few suggestions.
*playing with a ouija board at a cocktail party*
Me: Is anyone here with us?
T E L L T H E S E P E O P L E T O
U S E A C O A S T E R
M: Oh my god! Mom!
Egyptians don’t walk like that.