@Twitmytweeties

“Snitches get stitches”
Cute little rhyme..
However I believe,
“Snitches never wake up again”
is more likely to deter snitching…

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@Marcmywords2

Text:
OMG! I can’t believe you tweet such
vile, offensive, filthy, sick things.
You should be removed from society.
GET HELP!

Love Mom XO

@Rollmaninoz

*Shrek pre-production meeting*
Producer: Do we have a name for the dragon yet
Guy who named the donkey “Donkey”: I was thinking Dragon sir

@internetluke

“STOP IT STOP IT. CUT. THIS IS ALL WRONG” I scream at my cats dressed like vampires. “This is NOTHING like Twilight!!”

@TylerLinkin

In a parallel universe, one sock goes in the washer/dryer and two come out.

@IHideFromMyKids

While I usually love my son’s sense of humour, pretending to not know us as we went through airport security was not one of those times

@dru0887

No, LinkedIn. I would not like to link my Twitter account but thank you for trying to get me unemployed for life.

@goodhairperson

I’ve decided I want a sad funeral. None of this upbeat “celebration of life” shit. I want sobbing, ppl vomiting w grief, at least 2 suicides

@PhilLaysheO

Just left a note on the ex’s car saying “I STILL LOVE YOU” hope it doesn’t go unnoticed. I keyed it in pretty deep.

@English_Channel

My spouse claims to be a good driver, but there’s no way the dog got all these tickets