OMG! I can’t believe you tweet such
vile, offensive, filthy, sick things.
You should be removed from society.
Love Mom XO
“Snitches get stitches”
Cute little rhyme..
However I believe,
“Snitches never wake up again”
is more likely to deter snitching…
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*Shrek pre-production meeting*
Producer: Do we have a name for the dragon yet
Guy who named the donkey “Donkey”: I was thinking Dragon sir
“STOP IT STOP IT. CUT. THIS IS ALL WRONG” I scream at my cats dressed like vampires. “This is NOTHING like Twilight!!”
In a parallel universe, one sock goes in the washer/dryer and two come out.
While I usually love my son’s sense of humour, pretending to not know us as we went through airport security was not one of those times
No, LinkedIn. I would not like to link my Twitter account but thank you for trying to get me unemployed for life.
I’ve decided I want a sad funeral. None of this upbeat “celebration of life” shit. I want sobbing, ppl vomiting w grief, at least 2 suicides
Just left a note on the ex’s car saying “I STILL LOVE YOU” hope it doesn’t go unnoticed. I keyed it in pretty deep.
A mongoose is just a goose who listens to reggae
My spouse claims to be a good driver, but there’s no way the dog got all these tickets