@fro_vo *gently places finger on caroler’s lips*
you had me at “O come”
@Kauaibride so apparently there is no such thing as a valentine santa and i’m not sure whose lap i just sat on at the mall.
You Might Also Like
@fro_vo Phew
Phew
Phew
Phew
Phew
Phew
Phew
Phew
Phew
Phew
Phew ✔
Phew
Phew
Phew
Phew
Phew
Phew
Phew
Phew
Phew
Phew
PhewThe Chosen Phew
@Eithercryingor I stopped swearing, because kids. Then I started swearing, because kids.
@flashember JUDGE: That THING cannot enter
ME: But Inky is my pet
OCTOPUS IN AN ASTRONAUT’S HELMET FILLED WITH WATER:*squirts ink at him*
INKY NOOOOo
@HomeWithPeanut My 4-year-old usually wears his hair in a ponytail, but he wants it cut this weekend. This change will make me a little sad, but I also hope it hides his 1980s movie villain personality.
@BassoonJokes RIP that guy in the audience of the eric clapton unplugged session whose head literally exploded when he realized the song was “layla”
@lisaxy424 20s: I do yoga so I can be better in bed
30s: I do yoga so I can get out of bed
@sonictyrant “Women & Children first” i yell heroically from the Dentist’s waiting room
@DurtMcHurtt [first day being homeless]
What thread count are these newspapers?
@DirtMcTurd [friend being eaten by a bear]
*screaming violently*
Me: Stay calm! Don’t move so much! I’m trying to take a picture for snapchat!