[ Playing with Ouija board ]
Ouija board: I have a boyfriend.
So excited! I’m taking an online grammar class. No more typos for me.
Nolege is power biches!
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A coworker just asked if I had any “mouth water” and I am thoroughly confused by this
Rock-a-bye-baby is my favorite nursery rhyme about the tragic consequences of putting babies in trees.
A leaf blower, but for people.
Fun fact: if you say “I did the math,” nobody argues with you because they don’t want to have to redo the math themselves.
This grocery store is playing “Freebird” which I interpret as an invitation to shoplift a turkey.
My wife left me for a fisherman.
Poor guy’s still reeling.
Is this cat saying Meow or Mao? Cause I’m not keepin some commie cat
How to beat depression:
1) Talk to someone
2) When that person says “just cheer up,” beat that person with a baseball bat.
“Anyone can find the switch after the lights are on.”
– Confucius, who died in 479 BCE and was apparently also a time traveler