
And The Bro saith unto them,
Follow me to the club,
and I will make you fishers of women.Bromans 4:19
So I have one coworker who uses “irregardless” and another who uses “unappropriate” and now I’m over trying to conversate with these people.
And The Bro saith unto them,
Follow me to the club,
and I will make you fishers of women.Bromans 4:19
When Plan ‘A’ and Plan ‘B’ don’t work..
Plan ‘Shaggy’:
Say it wasn’t you.
[dinner w/friends]
“How long you two been married?”
It’s been thirt- (wife shaking head)
teenish twenty- (still shaking)
for a long time.
Farmer: I love my job
Wife: But all you do all day is round up cows
Farmer: What did you say to me?
Wife: You herd
Is it lovers quarrel or lover squirrel?
either way, couples therapy is going great
I am out of wine, so I ate a bag of grapes and threw myself down the stairs.
I don’t understand why my coworkers always complain when I microwave my favorite meal: curry salmon stuffed with burnt popcorn.
When people say “May I ask who’s calling?” I like to say “Sure, go ahead.”
Judge: so your petition says irreconcilable differences
Me: yesterday he wore Nike shoes with Adidas socks
Judge: divorce granted
I feel so alive when I watch an object fall and shatter into hundreds of pieces. Not alive enough to clean up the mess though.