@WilliamAder
@GloriaFallon123 You know you do too much online shopping when your kids start drawing pictures for the UPS man.
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@GloriaFallon123 
@osigat People that use big words, but not in the right context, are just trying to be ambidextrous.
@CandyEmpires Twitter: “Where people are openly Gay and secretly Republican”
@UNDEADTRESOR My milkshake brought a colony of extremely aggressive fire ants to my yard. 🙁
@shanethevein Accidentally bring the wrong kid home on Halloween once and now I have to listen to the same stupid story EVERY year.
@thoatley It’s 2021. Why is this still a thing.
@3sunzzz It took me 15 mins to explain to my 18yo son how to make Minute Rice, in case you were thinking about having kids.
@BeerFarts101 My nickname for my mother is Hannibal Lecture.
@SCBamaMan I’ll be signing books at the library tomorrow from 2-4pm (or until that librarian calls the cops again). Come on out!
@ElKnuckelhombre My neighbor’s looking at me like she’s never seen a guy stuck in her doggy door before. And what’s with the screaming? And the golf club?!