@sfreeze6

So who WERE Huey, Dewey and Louie’s parents, anyway? And why did they let them spend so much time with their insane, pantsless uncle?

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@zorgod

There is a disturbing amount of product placement in my dreams.

@breatheandlove

My mind has been wandering so long, we’re pretty much in a long-distance relationship.

@Tommytoughstuff

[job interview]
“Under skill it says nicknames?”
“You know it Sex Dragon.”
“Sex Dragon wants to know when you can start?”

@NikkiPayne14

Apart from “life is short” what other lines do you use before making bad decisions?

@meganamram

Edison stole the idea for the lightbulb from the lightbulb that appeared above his head when he got the idea for the phonograph

@IamEnidColeslaw

I’ve matured a lot. For example, I used to listen to Fall Out Boy and break stuff, but now I listen to Mozart and break stuff

@NickSchug

If you encounter a bear you should either play dead or be so vibrant that the bear is like “whatever this person seems exhausting.”

@ZingingCutie

Ladies, let’s remember: The shoes aren’t sexy if you look like a newborn calf trying to walk in them.