Some people are legally blind. What happens to the illegally blind?
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Evelyn says Betty’s Daughter is a lesbian but I’ve never noticed an accent.
A girl’s tinder bio said “I would die without food” uh okay me too
I can work well with others OR pass a drugs test. I can’t do both.
Police – they really trashed your house, anything missi-
Me – hmmm? No, this is how it always looks
Most people will give you their jacket if you’re naked and tell them you come from the future.
“I knew the dame was trouble when she waltzed into my offfice with a green diamond floating over her head.”
GOD: Okay so you’re super smart, this is the alphabet. You can use it—
DOLPHIN: What’s that one?
GOD: That’s an e.
DOLPHIN: I’m just gonna use that one.
GOD: But you—
DOLPHIN: Eeee-eeEEEeee. Like that.
I just found out that my husband fills the dog’s water dish not from the tap, but from the fridge’s water purifier feature.
“She’d do the same for me”, he said.
She asked me to go deeper so I started quoting Nietzsche
Uber Eats:
Food
Tip
Sales tax
Service tax
Gas tax
Just because tax
What are you gonna do about it tax