My gal pal: “Are you on a diet? You look so nice & thin… What’s you’re secret?!”
someone brought a box of lemons to work and emailed out saying “there’s lemons” and now every one has a lemon on their desk. why
You Might Also Like
Capri sun packages were designed to teach kids how to do emergency tracheotomies
My resume is just a piece of paper that says “Please don’t Google me.”
hungover at 22: dag gonna be 9 minutes late for work
at 39: …finally, to my faithful cat elroy i leave my cache of nagano ’98 olympic pins
This is joyous. Go to any YouTube video. Pause it. Click anywhere outside the video and then type 1980. Now defend yourself.
[opening a letter]
me: oh my god
wife: what is it?
me: it just says “oh my god”
My stove is the most expensive cigarette lighter I’ve ever purchased.
They say 15 minutes of exercise every day will add 3 years to your life. The problem is that it adds the 3 years to your 80s not your 30s.
Who’d win if Batman fought Santa? Before u say Batman, just remember who’s watching you answer.