So much security depends on computers never figuring out what a bus looks like
Sometimes after a long hard day at work, it takes me 4 bars to get home
You Might Also Like
I run down a hospital corridor, clutching the mustard dispenser I liberated from the cafeteria.
Earlier I had a plan. Now I have mustard.
4 year old twins that dress alike: aww that’s cute
40 year old twins that dress alike: ok knock that shit off it’s kinda creepy.
It’s been a horrible day. This morning my ex got ran over by a fed ex truck. Then I lost my job at fed ex.
*tries to lose weight by talking about it*
“I like your skinny jeans, are they new?”
No, I bought them 15lbs ago
Do people really expect to have a satisfying experience on a website that ends with “.gov”?
Me: My new house is making lots of creaky sounds
Friend: That just means it’s settling
My fiancee: *creaky sounds*
[Batman & Joker at a table in Arkham Asylum]
Joker: Wanna know I got these Scars? *He gestures at his Lion King action figures*
Just found out my girlfriend cheated on me, but I got her back by sleeping with her best friend. “That’s right, I fucked Gary you whore!!