It’s a good thing I’m not Batman, because there’s NO WAY I would keep that shit secret.
Sometimes I answer your rhetorical questions because I think you are that stupid.
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This pepper has seen some shit
My EX sent me a text today saying “Happy Anniversary” I replied, best one yet.
Everybody wants to change the world, but no one can find a diaper that’s big enough.
Just Jedi mind tricked my BF into buying me a new phone. Well not really, I had to moan during sex and promised to be nice to his mom.
Really glad that ventriloquism has made fisting mainstream.
Girls complain about guys using them for sex, but sex is awesome! Start bitching when he uses you for laundry, or as a human shield.
your honor my client feels very bad he got caught
I don’t want kids for the simple reason that math has changed and I won’t be able to help with their homework
I like my women how I like my government: open and unprotected.