Sometimes I answer your rhetorical questions because I think you are that stupid.
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To be fair, “old-fashioned” doesn’t necessarily mean racist; it could also mean sexist.
do u think spider-man ever shot a little of his own web in his mouth just to see what it tastes like
This guy in my office is a little paranoid and it’s making it that much harder to poison him.
Seriously? Nothing in the waiting room but Highlights magazine?
[I get called in 10 minutes later]
Hold on, let me finish this article.
picnics are a great way to think you’re hanging out with friends but actually you’re sitting on something wet
My daughter quickly pulled my glasses off and threw them on the floor, and out of habit, I gave her my lunch money and stuffed myself in a locker.
[Phone]
WIFE: Where the hell are u
ME: Well u know that jewellers where u saw that ring u love?
W: omg YES!
ME: I’m petting a dog near there
Remember back in season one of Covid, when we thought maybe we’d be in this for just five seasons like Breaking Bad, and now it’s like, surprise y’all, this is Grey’s Anatomy.
See that sad girl up on the hill with tears ?
That’s not me..I’m the one over there running away from a goose with a corn dog in my hand.
You’re 35 weeks pregnant and gonna make me do math?