@lucifermrningst

Sometimes you just need to burn everything down to start over.. take a deep breath. close your eyes and enjoy the heat..

aaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnd apparently that’s also arson.

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@kelkulus

I’m stuck in a meeting where a guy keeps saying “utilize” and “leverage” and I’m wondering if I should tell him about the word “use”.

@VaChina1

Facebook: losing friends.
Twitter: gaining friends
Instagram: gaining weight

@sistersurf

I just read someone’s TL who starred me, forgot who I was reading, starred & RT’d a gazillion RT’s on their TL, ended up in Mexico married.

@jferg1616

Boss: “We are all going to have a bunch of Red Bull, bust out the chest of Adderall, be laser focused for about 4 hours, then die.”

@noog

What if the 5th dentist was from the future and knew about the long-term tooth damage caused by Trident?

@NikiWithIssues

Some days I want to leave everything and just run away with him. Other days I want to own 3 baby dragons and be fireproof and naked.

@meganamram

Itching, flaky skin? Burning sensation while urinating? You’re probably on fire!