@CulturedRuffian What do we want?
ROCK HARD ABS!
When do we want them?
THE DAY AFTER THE HOLIDAYS ARE OVER!
@POTerritory Sorry, but Spotify sounds like the opposite of a stain remover and why would I want it?
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@CulturedRuffian 
@bryanmcc74 Since joining twitter I’ve started 2 new collections ………. Dust and cobwebs !
@imence2 My daughter can open just about any front door using a credit card, so your kids honor roll certificate seems a little useless right now.
@darinlovesbacon The Never Ending Story should’ve been a movie about a phone call from my Mother
@WhatevaConc I see dead people.
No wait, I take that back.
I see people I want dead.
@scorpiusryan21 My friend and I have a pact that if we’re not married by age 40, we’re going to fist bump and take shots for making good decisions
@shanethevein The doctor asked if I was sexual active.
I shook my head and said “Not in front of the wife”.
@PaperWash Find everything OK, sir?
Everything except happiness!
You won’t find that at Wal-Mart!
We laughed & laughed until my credit card declined
@amburgklur If someone came to my door & said “We’ll give you a dollar for every plastic bag shoved under your kitchen sink.” I’d be living large.
@SukhSDubb Quite possibly the best sign I have seen before the day ends 😂
