Sorry, but Spotify sounds like the opposite of a stain remover and why would I want it?

You Might Also Like


What do we want?


When do we want them?



Since joining twitter I’ve started 2 new collections ………. Dust and cobwebs !


My daughter can open just about any front door using a credit card, so your kids honor roll certificate seems a little useless right now.


The Never Ending Story should’ve been a movie about a phone call from my Mother


I see dead people.

No wait, I take that back.

I see people I want dead.


My friend and I have a pact that if we’re not married by age 40, we’re going to fist bump and take shots for making good decisions


The doctor asked if I was sexual active.

I shook my head and said “Not in front of the wife”.


Find everything OK, sir?

Everything except happiness!

You won’t find that at Wal-Mart!

We laughed & laughed until my credit card declined


If someone came to my door & said “We’ll give you a dollar for every plastic bag shoved under your kitchen sink.” I’d be living large.


Quite possibly the best sign I have seen before the day ends 😂