Sorry I said “nice phone” when you showed me a photo of your baby.

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If Spiderman gets a lady pregnant, does she have 1 baby, or like 10,000?



7 across) Person you work with, 9 letters
21 down) Person you hate, 9 letters


Beer before liquor, never sicker. Toothpaste before orange juice, dead.


*entire building at my work loses power*

*I run all the way to Linda’s office*

Remember when you said light up shoes were a dumb idea?


the three stages of a woman’s life:
– the chosen one
– the mother
– solving crimes in the village


My phone just changed CrossFit to Croissant, this phone really knows me better than any human.


When the atm charges you 3.50 to take out your own money but tells you to cover your pin so you don’t get robbed


*sees a truck*

*sees a trucker*
Oh, impressive.

*sees a truckest*
Ah yes. This is what I came for.