My dentist told me to relax, then got all judgey about me uncorking my wine in his office. He needs to make up his mind.
Speed 3: Waitress has to keep talking about the day’s specials or the entire restaurant explodes.
You Might Also Like
My favorite thing about single people is how they champion being single till they like someone then they transform into a hypocritcalpotamus
Batman cuts off a seemingly innocuous driver in the Batmobile, only to deal with the driver later, with the help of Superman #ChangingBanes
Back in my day when we found a Pokémon we had to beat it to death with a rotary phone
Crazy how women have the stereotype of being chatty when 90% of dudes have 45 minute podcasts that no one listens to…
Not messing around
cop: omg they trashed your apartment
me: yes, it was them
Cashier: haha that’s a lotta candy, getting ready for Halloween early eh
I have the confidence of a bald headed eagle, and the shy modesty of his distant relative the combover falcon.
DID YOU KNOW: If you don’t eat animal products, you will take it out on everyone else forever?