@scorpiusryan21
@thrill_tweeter People with FB statuses like, “I’m so angry right now”, then when someone says, “What’s up?” they reply, “I’ll text you.” WHAT ABOUT US?
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@thrill_tweeter 
@RickAaron Would you PLEASE stop being so damn THIRSTY??
My car:
@toastymoe Put me in your bio so I know it’s real… Just kidding, I’d rather be in your will.
@NickBossRoss Prof asked if anyone liked comic books. I raised my hand. She didnt add anything or say why it mattered. Just wanted to isolate me socially.
@enigmaterics Eat food with the fridge open in front of the other food to establish dominance as well as prepare for the next feeding.
@Sanbel11 Stuck in traffic but luckily few people are beeping their horns so we’ll be moving any second now.
@o__0Dev Where have you been all my life? Please go back there.
@online_shawn I’m open to change but not when it’s sudden like Stephen Colbert getting new glasses with no warning
@causticbob The inventor of predictive text has died.
His funfair will be hello on Sundial.
@mxmclain Describe yourself in four bold words and two exclamation points
Me: