Squirrels don’t hibernate in the winter they just get angry.

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Superwife! Gets pissed faster than a speeding bullet. More powerful than your longest friendships. Leaps your decisions in a single bound.


Dear 16, Just between you and me, you CAN actually use too much Axe body spray. Love, Exasperated Mom


Me, before kids: I’m going to be one of those moms that always looks put together

Me, today: Pulled a dryer sheet out of my sweatshirt sleeve that I’ve worn all day


Spent 10 mins trying to get into my car today…finally the door opened when the person who actually owned the car unlocked it.


do the spectators at golf tournaments know they don’t have to be there


Went grocery shopping on an empty stomach and I only spent $9,000.00


I see dead people.

No wait, I take that back.

I see people I want dead.


* see weird traffic pattern

* turns down radio

* smoothly avoids gargantuan pothole

* runs over sign saying avoid gargantuan pothole


Just found out that umbrellas open up. I always wondered why my rain stick never kept me dry. We never stop learning do we.