Stallone: I’m making a movie about composers. I’m playing Beethoven.
Van Damme: I’ll be Mozart.
Schwarzenegger: Stop it guys, I’m not saying it.

You Might Also Like


Every time I see a dude in a trench coat i assume he’s going to flash me. When it doesn’t happen, I assume he’s just a spy


DOCTOR: We were all out of blood for your transfusion so we used Mountain Dew
ME: [I don’t hear bc I already snowboarded out the window]


*has argument with husband*
*brings up all the dumb shit he said in 2011*

*adds “Historian” to bio*


Being an adult is mostly just wondering if the stuff in the dishwasher is dirty or clean while eating soup out of a sand castle bucket.


The initials of the Sri Lankan players read like DOS commands. MKDIR, CHKDSK.


Me: Send me pics

Girl: What you wanna see 😉

Me: Spiderman

Girl: What ?



Dr: I need a urine and stool sample.

Me: *hands him my underwear*


Me: Its all there.


I bet in 2000 years they are gonna be digging up the rubble of our destroyed earth and they’ll find a Nokia still on half battery.


CNN: President Obama Saves The Life Of A Choking Child.

FOX: Failed President Obama Tries To Take Jobs Away From Hard Working EMS Workers.