Stop calling women wild and fierce, unless they’ve bitten someone.

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Satan: you can spend eternity in hell OR you can go to work for the first time in 5 days.
Me: hmmm
Satan: well?


Fill the piñata with goat intestines to teach children about the brutal consequences of violence.


It is said the population of sheep in New Zealand is 60 Million.

How did they stay awake to figure THAT one out?


Don’t worry, Donald Trump will declare bankruptcy and start a new country.


The best part of Halloween is all the Jehovah’s Witnesses wondering why they’re being given candy.


My New Years resolution is to be more of an enabler, like yes girl text your ex


I have the same effect at nude beaches that sharks do at family beaches.


If video games were truly to blame for violent acts drive by turtle flinging would be at an all time high.


They say genius skips a generation.In our case it fell off our family tree and died.