“No, I’m serious Amy. If this were a buddy cop movie would you try to avenge my murder even after the Chief took your gun & badge?”
Stop letting your dogs piss on fire hydrants. Some of us use those for parkour.
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Me: ‘I miss you.’
The Point: ‘No shit.’
No matter how stupid you feel, remember, Little Red Riding Hood couldn’t figure out a talking wolf in drag wasn’t her grandmother
year 39, month 3: woke up a sentient tangle of meat and calcium again
I killed a girl who posted too many selfies.I think i can claim selfie-defence.
“I see great wealth, also danger.”
“And blue meth. Walt Jr. is crippled.”
Are you watching Breaki-
“Jesse is so hot.”
THE EXORCIST (1973) An incompetent priest botches a routine case.
“You’re gonna die in 7 days”
[me, pantless in dark kitchen, lips to phone]
Can u make it 5
The real world does feel a bit like the state of Batman comics right now.
You beat one grinning evil, two more show up, and while you’re fighting them, the first one is resurrected and pretty soon you’re banging the cat lady.
“I think we should-”
Kiss under the moonlight? omg we finish each other’s sentences!
Hairdresser: was gonna say trim the sides a bit shorter