@SortaBad

Superman: I’m faster than a speeding bullet, more powerful than a locomotive-
Batman: I fight a penguin and this really persistent clown

You Might Also Like

@better_off_dad2

I was halfway to the state line before I realized the sirens were part of the song that was playing…

@iscoff

Doomsday prepper, smugly: When everyone else has died, my family will continue to suffer for upwards of 2-3 months

@LuvPug

I’m not sure how many problems I have because math is one of them.

@fro_vo

HOPE: why did you name me Hope
MOM: you were our hope for the future
DESPERATE ATTEMPT TO SAVE A LOVELESS MARRIAGE: what about me
MOM: same

@PinkCamoTO

H: You look nice.
Me: I’m meeting one of my Twitter friends today.
H: So you want your picture on the evening news to be a nice one?
Me: Yep

@birbigs

Quentin Tarantino + Johnny Depp = Rango Django

@AnneHatfieldVO

Right now, someone likes something you don’t and other people are agreeing. You just gonna sit there and let that happen?

@TheAlexNevil

Schrödinger’s Mom: You have to feed the cat

Schrödinger: Or do I?