Superwife! Gets pissed faster than a speeding bullet. More powerful than your longest friendships. Leaps your decisions in a single bound.
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Being a mother is truly a gift. My son surprised me by stopping in to visit yesterday. Last night when I went to watch TV, I no longer had one.
if three separate women were faking covid test results in order not to date me, i would simply not tell that fact to the new york times
Hate it when I put on active wear and nothing happens.
Girls be like: I love a man in uniform.
Me: First of all that’s an inmate.
So, #Dorners ID was found in San Diego a week ago and then unmelted in the burned down cabin? sounds legit.
it’s cool when a dessert has a hint of something, like i’m biting into a tart and suddenly it goes “your wife’s death was not an accident”
I made a bunch of “missing” flyers, hoping we can find all the telephone poles that disappeared, but now I have a new problem.
At 51, I have turned 17 three times and let me tell you I understand the cicada’s compulsion to sit in a tree and scream.
SO GOOD NEWS EVERYBODY MY SON HAS LEARNED HOW TO WHISTLE
[pushing my son in his stroller]
Stranger: awww aren’t you adorable! how old are you?
Me: 35
Stranger: I was talking to him
Me: He doesn’t know how old I am.